Thursday, April 19, 2012

My Movie

This is my movie
this movie is mine
directed by me
screenplay by God and me, in that order
storyboard by Life
acted by me and supported
by a whole, big cast-
blood relatives, friends, well-wishers and...
not-so-wellwishers, strangers
Acting the entire script,
it's great feeling, watching in flashback
the sepia-toned images
elapsed years have taken out the harsh edges
and makes them slightly hazy, mellow
almost erasing the actual pain, trials and tribulations.
Zoom in to close-up
is at my free will, but
I cannot flash-forward,
will have to wait.......
Don't stop the movie now
Don't take me out of the hall,
there's so much more to come,
see!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Temple Erotica



Why did our ancestors choose to
Mix the profound with the profane
The sensual with the sublime
To adorn their temples with erotica
- Blue films on stone?


Because they said
This is your body, your flesh
Composed of the five elements
And this is the vista of pleasure
Base, carnal yet pure
That it can offer


Recognize it, know it, accept it
And then shake it off-
Water from a lotus leaf


Then and only then
Enter the portals
Of the sanctum of your soul
And search for your Creator.



SELF IMAGE

1.

a
person of
no significance
a tireless ant, crawling
up, down , sideways, twisting, scurrying
with a headload along the pathways in the
corporate anthill, thinking this is the universe
this is the cause. And the wages of this exalted
drudgery and glorified, coveted slavery - tolerable existence.


2.

Small town boy
don’t you feel lost
amidst the glitteratti,
the shimmering chandeliers,
the shining silverware,
the starched napkins,
the polished cutlery,
the almost silent footfalls,
the stilted conversation,
the tinkling laughter.
Did you remember your lessons?
Fork in your left hand and
knife in your right.
Or was it the other way round?
3.

What am I?
Sensitivity, a sense of fairness
- Bengali genes , I guess.
Upper class/caste machismo,
typically Hindi heartland,it is a put on)
- almost entire life spent in Bihar,
rites of passage to manhood retained.
Ability to make decent conversation
In tolerable English (accent varying from ersatz-BBC to New Delhi doublespeak),
depending upon the listener and a veneer
- Jesuit education in the formative years and
What else but BBC!
Analytical, logical, expressive and assertive
- professional training and experience.
Abrasive, rough-grained and aggressive
- school of hard knocks and growing up in a rough mohalla in a small town,
where fists and tongue go together. 'Been there, seen it' -
that's simply smart-ass attitude,
I guess!
So, what am I?
An incurable optimist.

4.

Physical frame
Optimistic 5'8"
65 kilograms, down from 70
slightly squat, lifetime of exercise and peasant genes
recently touched by hyper-thyroidism
eating away at assidiously collected pectorals, biceps and triceps,
receeding hairline, more salt than pepper beard
nose bent during boyhood foray in to boxing,
missing tooth- motorcycle accident in misspent youth,
on the whole a used face.
Used, abused, misused by life
too many cigarettes
too many long nights
too many books.
I was aiming at larger than life, till
Life cut me down to size.

5.

A sense of ennui,
Tiredness, scepticism if you like
Creeps in insidiously
When one takes stock
Of the things achieved
Against the price paid
Do not simply add up.
The question just keeps on popping up, time and again.
Is it all worth the pain?
What happens if one just gives up
And let's go?

We ask a great deal of life


Thank you Virginia Woolf


As you so succinctly put it.

I ask for:

- life to be fair

- life to be just

- effect to follow cause

- efforts to culminate in results

- the good, honest to be rewarded

- the bad punished

- love to beget love


- good behaviour to be reciprocated

- politicians to be honest and politics clean

- bad things not to happen to good people

Now, that's a tall order! I am indeed

Asking a great deal of Life!

Proposition

The present me


As defined by the mental frame-


I am the product of millions


And millions of incidents, accidents,


Circumstances and impulses.


A thousand cross-currents


Have tagged me along.


A smile, quirked eyebrows,


Pouting lips, a pointing finger,


An upraised hand, a frown,


A smirk, sighs and


Coos of approval


Each


Has moulded, bent, deviated,


Eroded and formed me.


So, take me


For what I am


And not what I should have been,


And I'll do the same too.

Forget the rearview mirror, forgive


Craftily it proclaims,


“OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR MAY BE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR”


(it’s a blatant lie!)


Preying on your fears of your past chasing you


Magnifying, establishing its place in your life.


The rearview mirror


Seduces you with the backward glances,


The pleasure-pain narcotic;


Leaves you wallowing in self-pity


And self-recrimination.


Sucks you deeper in to the whirlpool,


Of a past-centric life.


Takes your eyes away


From


The vistas unfolding


Future-present-future………


The possibilities.


Wrests control of your life and


Gives the future to your past.


In the ultimate analysis


You are unable to


Forgive others


Forgive yourself


And carry forever the baggage of your past.


You become a rearview mirror

Monday, October 24, 2011

Mediocrity

Small man
Small job in a small town,
Small dreams, small hopes
Big disappointments hidden
Behind a smug exterior.
High point of existence, discussing
The nuances of “God of small things”!
Wallowing like a buffalo
In the mud-pool of complacence
And when the mud dries,
Flakes off under the harsh sun
Of reality, sniff at yourself and
Smile ruefully and
Say, “ I am doing OK, am I not?”
Mediocrity is an opiate,
A tranquilizer that limits dreams,
Throttles needs, stifles aspiration,
Narrows the horizon of thought.
Small man, small job in a small town,
With small hopes, small dreams
.

Goodbye, nicotiana tabacum

Friend of frenzied moments
Finale to food, complement to a drink or two
Solace for the blues
From the first puff and paroxysm of cough
From young, untainted lungs screaming in protest
To, million cigarettes later
Paroxysms of cough
From tar sodden lungs of middle age
Each smoke was a response
To neurons clamouring for a connect
And a brief sense of well-being.
Good bye, old friend nicotiana tabacum
I guess this friendship has outlived its life
Goodbye.

Dilemma

Duty says uphold the rules, regulations.
Apply them, punish those who break them.
Reward those who help maintain them.
Circumstances are no ameliorating factor.
Building an organization and path to excellence
Needs discipline and its compliance.
Maitreya says, show compassion
and practice forgiveness.
Question that keeps scrolling back
Punish the person or the act?
How do you separate the two?
How does one ensure adherence,
By compassion alone?
So, what is my dharma?

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

One summer night


To the call of a humid breeze

One pore opened and slowly

One drop of sweat formed,

Like some bitter dew

On the still paleness of your skin

Then another and another

And by some force, coalesced

Into a tiny rivulet

That flowed downhill

From the delectable valley

Towards your navel,

Moonbeams chased the drops on

Even as each follicle held it back

and I watched the night

suffer and age

In the heat

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Make-up

MAKE-UP

Darkness descends

by soft, deft brush strokes.

Night touches the sky

like the gentle lines of kohl;

night is make-up time

for cities too.

A glittering tiara of street lamps

light up the wide avenues

and tuck away the dingy by-lanes.

Emerald, ruby and sapphire

the neons shimmer,

hiding the blotches

that mar the facade.

Feminine as they are -

to hide the acne of slums,

cities need a few layers

of judiciously applied

darkness.

Last Night

Last Night

Last night

When clouds grey, bowed

And silent I mourning

Had clustered around the widow moon

And the wind was tired sigh

A firefly had wandered in to my room

Tired yet restless

Straying, lonely and defiant.

Its eerie green light

was a silent scream

A call

Of defiance yearning for tenderness

To envelop it.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Why do men want sons?

Why do men, under-achieving
And mediocre, want sons?
Because in our beaten, half-bludgeoned souls
Sore with failures, we crave new men,
Those we carry in our blood, our sperm.
Who will achieve, what we could not
‘cause
We were not bold enough to dream,
Wise and strong enough to achieve,

It will be like a new life.
Lived all over again,
A stack of new coins
Before a gambler
Who has lost his pile.
Another chance, at a better life
If at all, vicarious.

The world will remember us
For our more worthy sons
We fear death less
Than being forgotten.
__________________

Friday, October 29, 2010

Questions on quality of existence

Standing at the watershed, today looking forward
not so far away into the future,
I can see the river of life
take a plunge in to the unknown-
death, life after death, end or
new beginning who knows?
One thing is certain, I will not exist
As I have in this form, ever-changing as it is,
from that moment onwards.
Standing here at the watershed, today looking backward
Over the twists and turns
That the river of life has taken,
How would you evaluate my existence?
Am I a sum total of my achievements, successes?
Or am I a sum total of my failures?
The sum total of my efforts?
What I have done for myself?
What I have done for others?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Combat of Shadows: Mating Call


Come let's shed the trappings of civilisation

The cocoons of respectability

And met in the arena of shadows

When fireflies glow with love.

Just two combatants

You and me, and let the bodies armed

With the Braille of love strain

To overcome each other in a combat

Neither of us win

or lose.

Let the minds soar

To a dizzying zenith

Where novas are born

Life so near death

And then fall caressing the clouds

Back to their vapid cages.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Desiderata for my daughter

You have been granted
a mind of your own,
a maturity beyond your years
and beauty.
Don’t let these divine gifts cloud your vision.
Let not your beauty
be an end or an asset,
it is indeed a mere chance,
a chromosomal lottery and
the credit is not yours but that of a forgotten ancestor.
Let your mind be free, assimilate all the good that there is in this world.
What you achieve is immaterial,
what portion of your potential
you have realised is important.
Where do we start the A B C of life,
that we as parents can equip you with, to live a meaningful life?

A
Always be on time.
The watch on your wrist
is not an ornament,
but a tool to subjugate
the fleeting minutes
and achieve what you want most.
If you plan to be on time you will be late.
Plan to be early and you will surely be on time.


B
Be honest to yourself
and you are but human.
Books lead you to a larger world,
the breadth of human experience,
thought and action.
They can help you to learn,
to pass a tedious hour,
to prepare for tomorrow,
to forget a sad today.
Read as much as you can,
for knowledge is power.

C
Compromise not what you consider important,
what you cherish.

Consider your options
before you commit.
If you commit ,do it.
Try not to live on credit.
Use it only when you must.

D
Do what you must do
to achieve your life’s goals,
what is close to your heart.
Have a dream. Dream,
for dreams ask people to strive for something better.

If something disagreeable
has to be done, do it.
Waiting won’t take it away or
lessen the negative feeling.

E
Every day is a tally sheet.
Did you improve, learn, gather
something new today?
Else it is lost, just another milestone
gone by in a blur.
Exercise your body and mind.
After all, your head needs a strong neck and shoulders to support it.

F
First things must be done first.
What’s first, depends on
what you want out of life.
One must have a few friends
one can trust,
to share both tears and laughter.
Without friends life is quite barren.
Friendship means
learning to accept a person
as he or she is and
not what you want them to be.
So, choose your friends with care,
once chosen, care for them.

G
Goodness is always there,
even in the darkest hour.
Search for it.
God is manifest in all
goodness of the human spirit.
All religions say it,
you better believe in it.

H
Hope is as perennial as grass;
God ensures a sunrise
after the darkest of nights.
Have faith on yourself and your abilities
Hope sustains you in crisis.
Hope and work for a better tomorrow.


I
I, perpendicular pronoun
is important
but more important is ‘we’.
Look beyond yourself
at the whole wide world of people;
some have more but
many more have much , much less.
Be thankful for the smallest pleasure that life has to offer.
They don’t cost anything.
Important you are for your parents
indispensable you are not for this world.
Lessen your I to a point where it does not blind you
but never, never let it become ‘i’.

J
Jealousy is a corrosive acid, beware.
It can burn you and all around. Learn to appreciate

and let it spur you to greater achievements.
Joy is as natural

as pain, try to be happy.
One does not need anything to be happy,
you can choose to be happy.


K
Kindness lifts a human
and brings him nearer God.
Never lose it or you are a machine.

L
Love is a power more potent
than any other feeling or force.
Even animals sense it.
People will love you
when your aura is pure and
that will bring more love and affection.

Love cannot have pre-conditions.
We love you because you are YOU
and not because you are perfect,

M
Men are half of God’s creation.
You will need one to live life.
So choose carefully the man
you want to spend your whole life with.
Music is a divine gift bestowed upon you.
It can lift a
person
from the depths of sorrow
to the peaks of joy.
Keep music alive in your heart.
Money is not everything, but it’s important.

It smoothens the path of life.
Spend only what you can afford,
but also save for a day when you may need it.


N
‘No’ is a word you have to use sometimes,
or people will use you.
Use ‘no’ to maintain your priorities, carefully.

O...
O...is a circle. It means,
everything must come around.
What you do will come back to you.
It is also a mouth open in wonder.
Never lose your
sense of wonder.
There is so much in this world to wonder about,
to marvel at-a tiny flower,
myriad of stars,
birdsong at night, a child’s pure laughter,
golden sunsets, the sea crashing on the beach,

sunrise on a misty morning, a rainbow.

P
Pay your dues to society, to people.
Pleasure is as natural as pain.
Do not shrink from pleasure;
pamper yourself once in a while.
You deserve it.
Politeness does not cost a paisa
- but it pays back.
Be polite to people, but do not overdo it.
Plan your work, it will make the work easier.

Q
Question the status quo, the present
and that will open new vistas.
Question yourself often, Is it right?
The answers are invariably there in your mind.

R
Respect yourself,
and the counsel of elders.
Remember names,
for names lead to people;
people lead to relationships.
Remember good times and
they will sustain you through bad.
Rest is as natural as work.

S
Sleep comes easily
when the mind is free.
Free your mind at the end of each day, meditate.
Slowly recount what you have done, search

for the good. Do not shrink
if you see something bad.
Save that memory
and the act will not be repeated .
Savour every moment, smile.

T
Trust yourself.
For others to trust you,
you must keep your word and promises every time .
Friendship and all relations are built on

trust.

U
yoU can change the world
in whatever way, small or big,
the power is in you.

V
Vivacious means full of life, vigour,
lively. You are, keep it that way

W
Why, what, when, who and how
are wonderful servants
for the mind to explore the world,
it’s truths, it’s expanse or minuteness,
everything in and around you


X,
eXpand the horizons of your mind,
eXperience life in its fullness,
eXamine yourself,
eXplore the possibilities
you are eXtraordinary.

Y
You are unique, nobody can create another.
Your actions therefore must reflect that.

Use your mind, it again is unique.

Z
Zed, has a tone of finality,
it means everything must come to an end.
Zeal makes for a good beginning.
If you must do something
do it with zeal.
---------------------
These are what we feel.
You can choose, what you like.